“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
I am incredibly depressed.
I am capable of realizing this, while at the same time being powerless to stop it. I feel empty, and broken, and weak. In the whole of our journey to have a baby, this is the first time that I find I really don’t believe it’s going to happen for us.
I know that I still have to wait for the surgery to find out how advanced my endometriosis is, but if the amount of pain I’m currently experiencing is any indication, I think it might be bad.
And the next step after surgery is IVF.
We can’t afford IVF. And if I’m stage four endometriosis…I’m blessed to have a loving and supporting friend who is basically a sister to me that wants to be our surrogate. But that will cost even more than IVF.
I can’t help but feel that this is the end of our journey. I have always imagined that I would one day be a mother. What if that was wrong? What if everything I gave up to get to this place was for nothing?
I hope I’m wrong. I hope our story isn’t over yet.