And We Keep Living Anyway…

“Life doesn’t discriminate
Between the sinners and the saints
It takes and it takes and it takes
And we keep living anyway
We rise and we fall and we break…”

~Hamilton: Lin-Manuel Miranda 

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Well, we finally heard back from the Doctor’s office this afternoon, and got the bad news we were expecting.

Our insurance company doesn’t cover IVF…not even a little bit.

Of course, this isn’t really much of a surprise. Very few insurances companies cover IVF, but since much of the rest of our fertility coverage has been incredible, I was still very hopeful. Once again, being hopeful doesn’t get my anything but more disappointment. Why do I even bother?

So, that’s another option that has been eliminated. We don’t have between $17,000 and $20,000 lying around, so there is no point wasting any more time on this.

IVF is the single most effective way for a women with endometriosis to conceive, so I am certainly feeling a bit heartbroken right now. I feel like our best option has been eliminated, and I am more certain than ever that I will never be able to have a baby.

The office should be calling me sometime tomorrow to schedule my laparoscopy. I guess the only piece of somewhat good news we received today is that we have met our out of pocket…so if we can get in before the end of the year (something my doctor assures me will we do) the cost will be substantially lower.

I have zero hope that the surgery will help us conceive, but my husband and my doctor both think that we should do the surgery because it will increase my quality of life.

As far as I’m concerned, I don’t care even a little bit about improving my quality of life. I have been living with this pain for my entire adult life . It is as normal to me as breathing, and I am terrified to have surgery. I would skip it all together, if I didn’t want to know how bad my endometriosis is; how advanced.

So that’s what this is for me. I feel defeated, and scared…and we are running out of options. I think that is the worst part.

~S

*Photo Credit: Heartseverywhere.com

 

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