This is Us

“Surely the whole point of writing your own life story is to be as honest as you possibly can, revealing everything about yourself that is most private and probably most interesting for that very reason.”
~Judith Krantz 

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I made this little blog public on my Facebook page today, which I guess means there is no more need for anonymity.

I am overwhelmed with the response I received from sharing our story (which I had up until now kept mostly private)

This is what I posted, with a link to the blog below it:

My husband and I started trying to get pregnant about two and a half years ago, maybe a little less. Throughout that process, I have carried the weight of our infertility (mostly) alone. I didn’t even share an inkling of our struggle until May of this year, and even then, began to do so very slowly…and somewhat cryptically.

At first, I was trying to keep everything under wraps so that people wouldn’t constantly ask me if I was pregnant (something that is very painful for someone who is struggling with infertility). Eventually however, I realized that I was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed that I couldn’t do something that every woman should be able to do. I felt broken, useless, and incredibly depressed.

Since going public with my infertility, I have had a few people come to me, thank me, and offer their support of our trials. This has made me realize that infertility, while very common, is still incredibly taboo. People don’t talk about it…and they should.

A few months ago, in the middle of my second IUI cycle, I started a blog. I did this anonymously, so that I could find a bit of a support system. It turns out that knowing I wasn’t alone…knowing that so many other people ache with the pain of not being able to conceive, was incredibly helpful.

So I have decided to go public with our story. I have decided to share the details of our struggle, and share the details that I published in my infertility blog.

I must warn you, that some of what you may read here is incredibly raw. I write when I am feeling hopeful, but more often, when I feel that all is lost. Please do not try to reassure me with false hope or promises that no one can guarantee. Writing has always been my therapy, and it is no surprise that it is in this as well.

If you share my story, or even if you don’t, please don’t hesitate to come to me. Ask questions, offer your support, share your own journey if you would like. I am tired of living in the darkness, and I would welcome the chance to have you walk beside me in the light.

Most of our process so far has been outlined on this site, though I do still have about two posts until we are current.

Thank you, to those of you who have reached out so far and supported us. I hope to help raise awareness to infertility by sharing our struggles, and help to show others that they are not alone.

So..I guess now it’s time to share “me.” Or “us” rather.

My name is Samantha and my amazing husband is named Mark. We have been married since August of 2012, and together since February of 2008. I’ll update my “about” section in due time, but for now I figured I could at least put faces to the names.

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This is us…

I have a million wedding photos, and engagement photos, and other professional photos that I could have shared, but for this first time I just wanted to show us…being us. This candid photo, snapped by a friend on a trip to Big Bear Mountain, has always done a pretty good job of telling the story of our life together. This photo is happiness.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I look forward to opening up and sharing more about our lives as we continue this saga.

~Sam

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