Anxiety and Fear

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”
~Kahlil Gibran 

 

I have an anxiety disorder. Have I mentioned that before? I honestly can’t remember, and since I can’t, I’ll address it now. 

I have an anxiety disorder, and it only seems to be getting worse the older I get. I think that’s actually fairly normal with these types of conditions, though. 

I’m having surgery on Friday, and I’m terrified. I’m not only scared of the actual surgery, but I’m also scared of what it might tell us about my condition. I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to handle any more bad news.

For the second time in two nights, I’m laying on the couch in my living room having a panic attack.

It’s mild. The one yesterday was as well. But I am extremely uncomfortable. My heart is racing and  my neck is burning. I actually couldn’t fall asleep last night until I put an ice pack under my neck. Even after all that, I still woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat.

I didn’t sleep much last night. 

I can already tell that I am not likely to sleep much tonight. I should already be fast asleep, since I work at 6:00am. 

I know that I’m worried about my surgery, and I also know that worrying isn’t going to do much good. But I can’t turn off my brain. I’m terrified. 

I think this is going to be a very long week.

~Sam

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