Fun with Feelings 

She wasn’t bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time. 
~ Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I finished my last dose of letrozole Friday night, and I can now fully appreciate how nice the last few months have been. 

I don’t really care for the way the hormones make me feel. In general, I tend to feel moody and depressed while I am taking them. I was already in tears after day one, and I was crying for absolutely no reason. The kiss cam commercial that has been making the rounds had me bawling, and the romantic comedy I watched Thursday night was entirely too much for me. 

All of these extra mood swings don’t do much to help me maintain a positive outlook about our upcoming IUI attempt. I won’t say that I’m feeling pessimistic, but I am certainly not feeling optimistic. 

My doctor is constantly harping on me not to, “stress out his eggs,” so I’m trying to stay calm. I am thinking of disconnecting from social media…and news…for a little while. My life has enough struggles to contend with, so I’m not sure I can handle thinking of other people’s hardships, or America’s hardships. Also, I think my head may explode if I see one more pregnancy announcement….

It’s not that I’m angry at others for getting pregnant, but it brings my own heartbreak so much more to the forefront (as if it wasn’t already the biggest thing looming over me). 

The nausea started yesterday. This is a side effect of the letrozole that I always seem to experience, though it seemed to start a little later this round, which I am thankful for. 

Eating always helps, so I need to remember to start brining crackers with me to work every day. I think drinking water soothes the nausea as well, though it is annoying to keep running to the bathroom. 

Despite discussing a desire to eat healthier in my last post, I have only been moderately successful at this endeavor. Friday, I finally went to the grocery store and stocked up on all the healthy things I should be eating. This included an excess of fish, healthy fats, and veggies. 

I spent Friday evening doing meal prep, and made enough food to make it a few days. If it’s already made for me, I’ll eat it. 

  

My breakfast Saturday was half of a whole wheat bagel, two pieces of bacon (I shouldn’t be eating this, but it was the last of what we had in the house, so I was getting rid of it), a bowl of grapes and berries with whole milk vanilla Greek yogurt, and an over easy egg.

Yesterday’s lunch was everything I should be eating, and it was also delicious. I found myself excited to make it my lunch break just so I could enjoy the food. 
  
I made a Greek salad and topped it with feta cheese and half of a can of tuna. It was dressed with red wine vinegar, olive oil, and oregano. I also had half of a piece of whole wheat naan, with some Mediterranean hummus. 

I ate every single bite. I forgot how delicious clean eating can be. 

We have our ultrasound tomorrow, and though I’m feeling a bit anxious, I’m also trying to focus on being hopeful, and possibly excited? 

I’ll be back with an update when I know more, and hopefully I can find some time to talk more about eating clean with the Mediterranean Diet. 

~Sam 

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