Schrödinger’s Uterus

“The Two Week Wait:
The human version of Schrödinger’s Cat.”
~Unknown (Some E Cards)

Schrödinger’s cat is what is considered to be a “thought experiment,” sometimes called a paradox. The experiment was created by Erwin Schrödinger in 1935, and illustrates a scenario in which a cat can be thought to be both alive and dead, simultaneously.

Basically, if a cat is placed in a box with poison, that will be dispersed at a random unknown time, the cat can be considered both alive and dead until the box is opened.

This is the strange limbo that I find myself in now (and during every two week wait since I have started treatment). Until I receive my period or a positive pregnancy test, I think of myself as both pregnant and not pregnant. It’s absurd, but it influences every decision I make.

I have been avoiding alcohol, limiting caffeine, eating well, taking my time when performing strenuous activities (like at my super physical job) and trying (but not succeeding) at getting enough sleep. The other day I declined to try a raw cheese someone offered me, but then went into a slight panic when I realized I’ve been eating lunch meat all week.

See what I mean: Pregnant and not pregnant. I’m making some of the right choices since I feel pregnant; but completely forgetting about other things, since I also feel not pregnant.

My two week wait started out pretty well. I was able to maintain much of the positivity that has gotten me through the last couple of week and months, and I felt excited again about trying for the first time in years.

I have been keeping myself pretty busy as well. My two jobs are certainly enough to focus on, but I have also been sort of, “nesting.” I mostly say this in jest, but it is how if feels in some small way. Since my husband and I bought our first house last March (a fixer upper) we have had a multitude of projects that we have been keeping on the back burner. We did MOST of the painting before we moved in, but I do still have some touch ups to do, and trim work that has been neglected. However, the biggest task I have been focused on in the last week has been organization. When we moved in, I busted my butt to get unpacked and decorated as quickly as possible so we could feel like we were living in our “home.” This was important to us, but after a while I reached a point (like you do) where I was just over it and any non-essential items were shoved into a closet or the shed. This way, we at least felt “done,” even if it was only an illusion.

Fast forward to nearly a year later and all the closets, and the bathroom cabinets were still a mess of random junk and cardboard boxes. So…I’ve been dealing with that. I have a tentative goal to get all of the closets finished before the one year anniversary of our close. I hold no unattainable beliefs that I will get to the shed in that time…maybe before next year?

So I am now halfway through my two week wait, and feeling more anxious than I would like. I am trying to remain positive, but the negative part of me that has been trying to get pregnant for over three years still isn’t expecting to be pregnant. I hate to admit it, but she is a larger part of me than the positive part.

I am still clinging to the hope that it is good news we will receive in one week, and not more of the same. In the meantime, it looks like my Living Room exploded with all the clothes that I have ever owned ever, so I should probably get back to my organizing.

How do you keep busy (sane) during the two week wait?

~Sam

 

 

7 thoughts on “Schrödinger’s Uterus

  1. Haha! You are right about the analogy! Truly, it sounds like you are doing the best you can with what you have at the moment. Keeping busy with nesting and the house is good — productive and fulfilling! For me, I go for a walk. I could list a whole bunch of other things that try to keep me positive and sane, but when it comes down to it, being in nature is key to remaining present and mindful. When’s the 2 weeks over for you? Hugs 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad you posted – I have been thinking of you loads.

    I am an IVFer so have never done the IUI but my approach on the two week wait has always been to fake it til you make it. We name our embryos, talk to them, I rub my tummy and generally just pretend I am pregnant. It’s a bit weird and like jumping the gun but for whatever time the embryos stayed with me I wanted them to feel love.

    I also think it is mega important to remind yourself that this is a different try and you have had the surgery you need so you have every right to expect a different outcome now. This time last year my second FET worked but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. I am now 6 weeks pregnant after my last round of IVF with a whole range of immunological treatment and drugs. I am terrified and I think it is natural to assume that the same will happen this time. But I keep trying to tell myself that this is a new pregnancy and a new chance. It is not the same as before. I have 10 days until our first scan and I feel like I am doing the TWW all over again!

    Defo get out in the fresh air. I rested a lot during the TWW but got out for an hour everyday to walk the dog. During that time I just daydream about the day we bring our baby home. This is my time and I love it.

    Give yourself a break about the lunch meat and being too perfect. Infertility makes you believe that you only get blessed with a baby of you are totally perfect the whole time but it really isn’t true. You are doing brilliantly to get through the day on some pretty crappy drugs. Celebrate your awesomeness and treat yourself to something really nurturing as a reward.

    Half way through my two week wait I started to go stir crazy and so my hubby and I went on a day trip to somewhere we have never been before. Just being somewhere new and exploring for a day really took my mind of it. New surroundings really help me to feel hopeful. While we were there I saw this awesome painting that I loved. It was quite cheap and I asked my husband if we could get it for the house. His reply was that if this cycle worked we could come back and get it as a celebration. A week later we were back and I cried so many happy tears as we bought it. It hangs on my landing now and reminds me that after years and years of bad days, good days are also possible.

    Finally and the thing that has saved me this time is reading blogs. I have found so many amazing courageous women who have shared their story and I have found it utterly life changing to follow their journeys and see that dreams really do come true and this doesn’t last forever. Why can’t it be you this time?

    Hang in there honey. Sending you hopeful hugs. We are all with you xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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