Living a Different Dream for 2017

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list.”
~Susan Sontag

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My husband and I have spent over three years trying to get pregnant. Three years waiting for two lines to appear, instead of just one; three years waiting to become a family; three years waiting for our life to begin again.

We have put everything on hold in our quest to become parents, and I think we sort of forgot along the way that we are more than our infertility. Well, maybe he didn’t.

But I did.

I am more than my uterus; more than my endometriosis.

There are a lot of other things that I always wanted for my life, other than just children, but since having kids is such a struggle for us, I just put all of my other dreams on hold.

Before we even went in for my last IUI, my husband and I made a decision. Either we would be pregnant this month, or we would go to Europe. I have wanted to travel for so much of my life, but I have never really managed to go anywhere outside of the country. After so many years of disappointments, I realized that I needed something to look forward to other than a positive pregnancy test. I needed to pick my life up, take it in my hands, and remember that there is still value in this life, even for a woman who may never have children.

The cramps woke me up yesterday morning, so severe that I knew it could only mean one thing. And sure enough, it was my period.

I cried in bed for a while, but eventually I got up, and I started booking hotels. We may not be pregnant, but we will have an adventure this year. You know what? It helped. By the end of the day, my grief had subsided, and was almost completely replaced by excitement.

We will be heading to the United Kingdom for 14 wonderful days, and I am genuinely thrilled. I hope that I will be pregnant when we go. The doctor has told us he is willing to do two more IUI procedures…so I’m hoping I’ll be pregnant. But if I’m not, I’m glad that I still have excitement in life to look forward to.

Thanks for everyone’s kind wishes during this last cycle. They always help us get through.

~Sam

5 thoughts on “Living a Different Dream for 2017

  1. Good for you for getting out there and traveling. My husband and I make sure to have a European trip planned after our first IVF results came in back in 2015. We figured we could either be celebrating in Paris or drowning our sorrows in wine in Paris… But either way it would be in Paris rather than here in Portland. And I will say it’s much more fun to cry in a beautiful city like that, away from reality.

    Now everytime we do a cycle we have at least a couple of days out of town scheduled right after results come in.

    Have fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s a really good idea! I know exactly what you mean about life being on hold. I often feel that way. After our third failed IVF we decided to take a long break and go to Australia for my brother’s wedding. We had the best time, and I’m so glad we went. It also helped remind me that there is more to us and life than our infertility. Thinking of you and hoping you’ll have a great trip to Europe!

    Liked by 1 person

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