Waiting for Magic: Crowdfunding IVF

“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.”
~Ziad K. Abdelnour

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It was a really difficult decision for my husband and I to ask for help in our Infertility struggle. I know that people have many differing opinions about asking for financial assistance through sources like Indiegogo, You Caring, and Go Fund Me, and to some degree, I understand the varying viewpoints.

We recently shared our own Go Fund Me and campaign in an attempt to raise a portion of the money we will need for our IVF treatments, and it was something we spent a lot of time thinking about, and talking about, before deciding to go forward.

 

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Since posting the campaign, I have heard many differing opinions and viewpoints about crowdfunding this type of thing that are cruel, hurtful, and downright ignorant. I am lucky to say that none of these remarks have been directed at myself or my my husband, but I have seen numerous articles, forum posts, and even comments on other people’s IVF fundraising pages that made me feel like I should speak out.

I would like to take a moment to address a few of this points now, in an effort to educate and continue to raise awareness about struggling with infertility.

  1. It’s tacky to expect other people to pay for your baby: You have a right to your own opinion and if you feel that way, remember that you are in no way obligated to donate. Since going public with our Infertility struggle, friends, family members, even casual acquaintances have asked me how they can help. Well, this is one way to provide assistance to us in our struggle.
  2. People shouldn’t be sharing such personal details of their life on a public forum: If you have a problem in hearing about other people’s personal lives, try to keep in mind that this is YOUR issue and not mine. I’m happy to listen to my friends when they are in pain, and I want to be there for them to provide as much support as possible. Furthermore, infertility is still an incredibly taboo subject, despite the fact that 1 out of 8 couples suffer from this condition. Starting a conversation about this subject, and raising awareness, begins with putting a face with the name. Sharing my story has helped a lot of people in my life understand how painful and sensitive this topic is, and has helped them to better understand those who suffer. It was scary to make my story so much more personal, by announcing it on a public website like Go Fund Me, but it was also empowering. The outpouring of support we revived also made us feel so loved, which helps keep our spirits up as we face what is next.
  3. If you can’t afford IVF on you own you have no business having a baby: Come now. I would go out on a limb and say that most couples are not prepared for the financial cost involved with raising a child, but for the vast majority of them, at least getting pregnant is free. We have already invested thousands upon thousands of dollars on our infertility treatments. We know that we still have much more to pay before we can have a child, but we are trying to avoid racking up an obscene about of debt that will also serve as a constant reminder of our childlessness should our IVF attempts fail. Whether we raise the money we need it not, we are going to figure out how to finance the procedure. That being said, unsecured loans have higher interest rates, so any down payment or jump start on monthly payments will be a huge help for us. We hope that at the end of this we end up with an a baby, and that we will still have enough financial stability to be able to give our baby the life it deserves.
  4. What’s next? Are you going to expect other people to fund your medical needs if the child gets sick, or goes to college? Of course not. I put myself through college (and am still paying on that debt), and so in the worse case scenario I know that my child will be able put themselves through school should they need to. As for medical payments, my husband and I have solid jobs with good health insurance that will be able to cover all routine costs involved with our child’s healthcare. Unfortunately, our insurance (and 80% of heath insurance in this country) doesn’t cover IVF.

Infertility is not a routine medical issue. Research has discovered that women battling infertility have “emotional stress levels similar to cancer patients and cardiac rehabilitation patients.” Why then are people more sympathetic to those battling cancer or with heart issues? I’ve never heard so much criticism directed at people who start Go Fund Me pages for cancer patients. At the end of the day, regardless of the medical condition, we all just want to find our happiness and keep living. For men and woman facing infertility, having children is the only path they see going forward. Living a happy life is so intrinsically wrapped up in their ability to conceive.

At the end of the day, all I ask is that people treat us with kindness, compassion, and respect. If you don’t want to donate to my campaign, or campaigns like it, that is perfectly acceptable. No one is forcing you to, but perhaps try to keep your judgment to yourself. It’s hurtful and those of us battling infertility have enough hurt in our lives to be getting on with.

My deepest gratitude goes out to those of you who have supported our, or shared our story. You may never fully understand how much it means to us, but we will try to show our thanks as often as possible.

Thanks,

Sam

Our Infertility Story: IUI Round Five

“Sometimes you gotta take a break from all the noise to appreciate the beauty of silence.”
~Robert Tew

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So, I know that I touched on this briefly in my last post, without going into very much detail. I cannot promise that I will provide many details now either, as this is a particularly difficult post to write.

Our Intrauterine Insemination chapter of this journey has come to an end, and I wish that were happy news. But it is not.

When I went in for my Ultrasound four days before the procedure, I had two nice, large follicles. We decided to wait one more day to see if one other would get bigger, so I didn’t take my shot of Ovidrel until in the following evening.

I went on for my Fifth IUI two weeks ago today. When I walked into the office that morning, it was with a complete absence of hope. I still tried my best to put on a good face. I wore my new Star Wars Jacket, and a Star Wars shirt. Even though I didn’t have any hope, I still thought Star Wars was appropriate attire for the day: A New Hope? Maybe a little would turn up after all.

It didn’t really.

Aside from an incredibly long wait both in the waiting room, and in the exam room, the IUI went well. My doctor did the procedure again and I didn’t have any cramping. We talked for a few minutes, and then I laid down for ten minutes before rejoining my husband and heading home.

The first week of the TWW was difficult, because I was working every day and just obsessing over whether or not it had worked. We knew going into this that our doctor would be willing to do just one more if this failed. However, we also knew that decision was largely up to us. Before going in, I was already contemplating skipping any further IUI procedures. I was tired, both physically and emotionally. I didn’t want to keep taking the hormones, and I didn’t want to keep crying every single day. Still, I knew we wouldn’t really make that decision until the end of this cycle.

We were away on vacation for the second week of the TWW, and that made things a little easier. We enjoyed spending time with our family and friends, and attending an amazing wedding.

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For the last day and a half of the trip, we went up to Pittsburgh, and did a bit of sightseeing in the city.

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No trip to Pittsburgh is complete with a trip to Primanti Bros, for their famous stuffed sandwiches (shown below with Kielbasa).

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The trip was lovely, and as always, was done way too soon. The good news was that we had a couple days off of work when we got home.

The bad news was that we walked inside to a broken AC…in May…in Florida.

Wednesday morning, when I woke in a very very hot house, I was cramping. My period started shortly after.

That was it. I cried for a while, before finally calling my Doctor’s assistant to leave my message. When she called me back a few hours later, she asked us if we even wanted to do another cycle. I really didn’t know, but not doing another cycle felt a whole lot like giving up.

My husband wanted to know if we could see the doctor.

Amazingly, he must have had a cancellation, he could see us the very next day. That is pretty rare.

We went in today at 2:30.

He talked to us about all of our options (which isn’t much), and explained the chance we have for conception with each procedure. And they were basically all the same…except for IVF…which has greatly increased odds of success. We also spoke briefly about the cost involved, and our financing options. It is going to cost a bit less than we had thought…but it is still a LOT of money. Money that we really don’t have.

For now, he recommended that we take a break. He thinks this whole process has been really hard on me (maybe because I cry every time he sees me?) and so he doesn’t want to do another IUI. With our low odds of success, I don’t think he believes it’s worth it. He wants to put me on something to help the pain and discomfort from the endometriosis (and to prevent the endo from getting worse), but my husband and I want to wait a couple months and try naturally for a bit. If I take medicine, I can’t get pregnant.

This is our plan for now. We want to try on our own just until we get back from our Europe trip in the summer, and then we will start IVF if we can figure out how to pay for it. Our doctor is going to have someone call us to discuss the costs involved.

I feel overwhelmed, tired, and an emotional wreck. I feel like not trying to do another round of IUI is tantamount to giving up…but I trust my doctor and his opinion. And I am so tired that I feel like we do need a break.

So this is where we are for now: Hanging in a bit of limbo, and trying to adjust to our new reality. If I’m being honest, I never really thought this would go so far. I never really thought we would need IVF. I think I just always assumed it would all work out.

So for now, I’m going to go pour myself a nice ice cold glass of wine in my sweltering hot home, and try to do something fun to keep my mind off of all this.

As always, thanks for reading.

~Sam